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| Your Personality Profile | 
You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.
For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
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I am cramming frantically for my tax final =( I dunno why I ever decided to take this class. Oh well. This is my first and only actual final exam -- I had takeaway exams and papers for the rest. So, I'll still have 2 classes after this exam but then I will actually be able to go out with my friends at night since it will just be consolidating info and writing.
On a sadder note, a 1L died today of a stroke. I am finding that I've gotten immune to death. I feel like it hits me and I'm still in a trance for days. My mom is in Pakistan right now too so I hardly have anyone to talk to who isn't stressed out and studying for law school finals right now -- that includes Neelam, who I won't see for another 2 weeks :( |
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Year 1 down... 4 more to go. Battling time and statistics.
Insha'Allah, may Allah give us all the strength to bear the burdens we are given in life. |
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| Your Fashion Style is Girly | 
You dress to look beautiful and show off what you've got
Dresses, skirts, heels... whatever it takes to turn heads
You love feeling like a girl in any setting
Even your workout clothes are cute and feminine! |
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I have been away for a long time but was in the mood to write...
I miss Tamina a lot right now. It's 3 days before her death anniversary and I haven't talked to Rabia (her sister) in like a month b/c every time I do, I feel more sad. It doesn't help that I'm totally pissed off at the only other person who I would think to go to right now. I know I have other friends who I am close to but I don't feel like I can empty my soul to them.
I wanted to have one of those marathon conversations that you can only have with a few people in the world who truly get your soul. Although my dad is one of those few people, he's in Pakistan right now and also, seems to think that my problems/concerns/worries/wants/desires are trivial these days compared to the greater world. I guess from his perspective, I would see what I worry about as silly too -- doing well on my final exams, picking a law firm to work at (which 150k-55-to-65-hours-work-week job shall I choose?), and coming up with the great equation to how to be happy... *sigh* The main problem is that I have to take the bar exam all over again if I do want to move to a different state to practice -- So, I can't just pick up to Atlanta, GA or Chicago, IL (two great cities with better quality of life for attorneys than the NY/DC market!) and start working there. I have to take the bar exam all over again -- a 3 month, hell-on-earth, study til you pull out your hair, process.
SO, the big question. To return to Cleveland, or to not return to Cleveland?
I certainly don't have many friends left in Cleveland -- none that want to stay there long term anyway. The few I keep up with live sort of far away. Raina is on the East Side, Malini is at NEOUCOM, and Soumya is in North Royalton. I hardly keep up with anyone else anymore and I don't want to become one of those CWRU groupies who is 30 years old and still seeking college freshmen for friends --it's been known to happen. I hardly talk to Rukhsana too since she's busy with residency though some of Syma's resident friends have become mines too. Who knows.
If I do go to Cleveland, the next question is: To live at home or to not live at home? I wish my mother didn't see my CONSIDERING (not evening DECIDING!) other law firms (in other cities) as my rejecting HER. It's not that at all. It's just that sometimes I feel like when I am in Cleveland, I am suffocating. And although driving from good ol' Westlake, Ohio every day *does* have it's advantages, it's not something that I want to do for FIVE years like she thinks I should -- or worse, "until [I] get married." I just arranged Syma's marriage and wedding a few short months ago and she's already moved onto me. Have you heard that joke about how the elders poke the sister of the bride and say "you're next!" and then the sister of the bride goes to a funeral and pokes the elders and says "you're next!" I take sick pleasure out of that joke b/c everyone has thought they're oh-so-funny by saying I'm next.
On a cheerier note, I liked Saira's facebook group today.... "Strong Independent Women Who Do Not Need to be Trophy Wives!" I miss my APPNA gals. :) I don't think I am going to get a chance to go this year though! Oh well!
Anyway, that's all I want to ramble on about for now.... I'm sure I'll post again soon.... as soon as a few months can be :) |
| » yes, i'm alive |
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so, haven't updated in ages. life sucked. things from last semester just got wrapped up and i even got my grades (which were surprisingly a huge improvement over last year -- aint that ironic?) ummm, so gilmore girls is starting in 5 minutes so i must be brief. i watch that show religiously you see. i am starting to read for my classes, we've got journal stuff galore, scrambling to find a job in ohio now instead of dc/philly/wilmington/nyc/boston/ct like the offers... I want to go home to see my mommy this weekend if possible but need a cheap ticket home (as in, $500 red eye ticket is way too steep for 2 days when I could be halfway to Pakistan for that price). Umm, that's about it. Now you know what's going on in my life - sort of. Okay, will try to be better about posting.
Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 07:56 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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If this is what hell is like, I must be in it. Yesterday, I was mentally exhausted. Now I'm emotionally exhausted. I wish I could just crawl into bed and never wake up.
Nov. 19th, 2004 @ 10:16 am
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| » hmm... |
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there are no cats in america and the streets are filled with cheese!
(from an american tale)
:)
Nov. 17th, 2004 @ 07:47 pm
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| » WHY I HATE MEN |
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4017441.stm
Pakistan's taboo of sex abuse
Nadia Asjad
BBC reporter, Islamabad
Rape victim Irshad Bibi - few women dare to speak out
A group of Lahore women factory workers complain they are greeted each
morning by their bus driver unzipping his trousers.
A university student in Islamabad, Saira, recalls one of her
professors: "He would pat our backs, touch our hands whenever possible
and stare at us suggestively."
And a woman from Pakistan's most conservative region, North-West
Frontier Province (NWFP), discovers that her husband molested her
son's wife: "When we all protested, he divorced me and threw me out of
his house," she said.
It is clear that sexual harassment is a widespread problem across the
country.
Ignored
Ranging from "Eve teasing" - as sexual taunting is often referred to
in South Asia - to disturbing numbers of gang rapes, sexual harassment
is affecting women in villages and cities alike.
Even women in politics face sexual harassment
Yet the problem has been ignored by society in general and by the
government.
Even women themselves have said little in the face of a social value
system that makes it difficult to speak out.
The Karachi-based organisation Lawyers for Human Rights and Legal Aid
(LHRLA) raises awareness and provides legal aid to women victims of
sexual harassment.
LHRLA president Zia Ahmed Awan says that even educated women in
Pakistan do not understand what harassment is.
"Sexual harassment does not just mean an act of physical offence. It
starts from any gesture, stares or remarks that make women feel
insecure and uncomfortable - while rape, molestation, incest etcetera
remain the most severe forms of sexual harassment," he says.
Sexual stares
Among the most common forms of harassment in Pakistan are the
discomforting gazes that follow a woman wherever she goes, as soon as
she sets foot outside her home.
Malka Khan is involved in combating harassment in Karachi
They are so common that many women do not even consider them an abuse.
"I often advise girls and women to start wearing sunglasses in public
in order to avoid eye-contact with males who stare at them and make
them feel uncomfortable," says Zia Awan.
And the unwelcome male attention also extends to the workplace.
Women employees in a range of organisations in the cities tell tales
of bosses and colleagues making unjustified demands.
One woman working in a multinational company in Islamabad told me that
her boss was pressing her to go on a date with him.
In return, she says, he is offering her not only a salary rise, but a
promotion as well.
Suffering in silence
Incidents of harassment and molestation are being reported at
workplaces, public venues and universities from all over the country,
according to the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan.
Sexual harassment is a problem in both villages and cities
Its figures show that this year between January and August, 175 women
including 24 minors were gang raped and 225 were raped, of which 38
were minors.
Ten women were stripped naked publicly - a practice sometimes used to
punish women considered to have brought shame on their communities.
These are the forms of extreme sexual abuse. Most cases of sexual
harassment go unreported - but some figures suggest cases are
increasing.
For example, in 2002, 12 women were stripped in public places - in
2003, the number rose to 40.
Combating the problem is difficult. Women don't want to discuss these
issues. They prefer to suffer in silence.
Like the woman from NWFP, thrown out by her husband for protesting
when he molested a relative, they fear that if they speak up, they
will take the blame and lose face in society.
Nov. 17th, 2004 @ 04:43 pm
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| » =( |
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My heart is breaking... *sigh*
Nov. 15th, 2004 @ 10:54 pm
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| » it's a du'a for me! :) |
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Du'a for Sahar (Dawn)
Du'a for Sahar
This is a very beautiful du'a. Its poetic language and heartfelt message makes for an outstanding prayer. The allÂencompassing mercy of the Almighty is analogized with the vastness of the sea, while the needy are passengers on a ship waiting to cross.
Humility is an essential part of the etiquette of Du'a. An acknowledgemnt of one's sins and shortcomings is most becoming to a supplicant. This is succintly expressed in the following Du'a.
In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.
My God,
the beggars are standing at Your door,
the needy have taken refuge with Your Honor.
The ship carrying the poor and humble people,
is standing at the shores of the sea ,
of Your generosity and grace,
hoping for permission to cross ,
to the shores of Your mercy and blessings.
My God, if You do not forgive,
in this honored month,
except the one who has sincerely purified himself for You,
in his fasting and prayers,
then who is there for the negligent sinner,
when he drowns in the sea of his sins?
My God, if You do not have mercy on any,
except the obedient,
then who is there for the disobedient?
And if You do not accept from any,
except the performers of (good) actions,
then who is there for those who fall short?
My God, those who fast have profited,
those who stay up in prayer have won,
and those who are sincere have succeeded,
but we are Your sinful servants!
So be kind to us through Your mercy
and save us from the fire through Your forgiveness, O Gracious
O most merciful.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family, the purified ones.
Nov. 8th, 2004 @ 04:09 pm
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| » to pick a job... |
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I don't understand how I am supposed to pick a job for this summer which has 90% chance of being the job I take from after graduation and at which I will stay at for at least 3 years. I am just 22 years old right now and I have no idea what city I want to live in even and hence, applied to Atlanta, DC, Philly, Cleveland, Pitt, and Chicago. Each city has its own charm and each law firm has its own character. The money is the same, the hours are basically the same, and the law firm personalities though drastically different all seem a bit stiff. I don't know what I am signing myself up for!
On a brighter note, I've been studying hard and getting a lot accomplished. I didn't go out at all this past weekend. Woo hoo for me for resisting the temptation to veg with my friends now that it's crunch time.
Nov. 8th, 2004 @ 02:57 pm
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| » thoughts |
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Sarah invited me over for dinner today since I was too busy studying yesterday and missed out on the iftar party celebrations... We were chatting about all sorts of things and something she said struck me. She said, "I think that studying is a form of religion too in a way" because I said that I needed to study and work out still so I had to miss out on going to the mosque and felt bad as if I was putting God aside for these types of worldly things. When I asked her what she meant by "anything can be religious really" she said: "Well, take studying for instance. If you are really learning for the sake of learning, for a good reason, God is happy." So basically, all my fellow classmates (and even myself at times) are guilty of not really learning for the sake of learning quite often. We're too consumed with needing xyz grades so that we can said law firm job in said city for some $150,000 starting salary tag and pay off some $150,000 loans. Yuck. I think my journal is very well titled -- I live in a bubble. I'm losing my sense of reality. I remember once I told someone who I considered myself very close to back when I was a sophomore at CWRU (actually, I don't even talk to him anymore), that just being at CWRU and being surrounded by all these brains that have so much potential to benefit the world was one of the biggest privileges that has been bestowed upon me in life. That there are people in the world whose concerns transcend school and grades and drama and whose most desperate desires are bread or a place to sleep for the night to keep themselves warm. I have lost a lot of my old self in the past year and think I've finally grown out of my Bollywood-ish-naive-everyone is wonderful mentality and started to see the world for what it really is. That's not to say that I'm not pessimistic or anything but the reality is life comes down to a set of choices and we all have to come to grips with each choice we make when we reflect back on our actions. In psych, there's what we call a hindsight bias where you should have realized something was going to turn out the way it was since now it seems so obvious. Unfortunately, too many people I know and myself included have spent so much time looking back that we haven't focused on looking forward. And when we do look forward, we are looking at things like "when I finish law school" or "when I get married." Bollywood (as cheesy as it is) does provide some wisdom -- "har pal yahan jee bar jhiyo jo hai sama kal ho na ho." I guess since it's November I'm missing Tamina more than anything and feeling the void in my heart that she left so long ago more than anything. But, I am going to try to take that Bollywood advice (I know, some people are groaning right now!) and start living each day as if there's no tomorrow. I'm going to be content with my life as it stands right at this very instance and leave everything to God (as previously stated today!) from now on. I'm going to enjoy hugging my friends, smiles, laughters, good company, teasing, kids, flowers, butterflies, fall leaves, "boquets of freshly sharpened pencils, teddy bears, chai, and even things -- or people -- that hurt me. It's all life and if we don't enjoy the trials and tribulations alongside the triumphs, then we never really feel what it means to live. I guess what I'm trying to say is that life isn't worth living if we don't feel alive.
Nov. 7th, 2004 @ 10:22 pm
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| » beautiful song... |
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Sick and Tired of this world
There's no more air
Trippin' over myself
Goin' nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
And I took a dive
And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you
I've been wondering why
It's only me
Have you always been inside
Waiting to breathe
It's alright
Sunlight
On my face
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive
'cause on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you
I was so afraid
Of going under
But now
The weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no, nothing
Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
Down, down, down
You're all I needed
Down, down, down
You're all I wanted
You're all I needed
And I won't forget the way you loved me
All that I wanted
All that I needed
On the way down
I saw you
And you saved me
From myself
And I won't forget
The way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held onto you
Down, down, down
But I held onto you
Down, down, down
But I held onto you
Nov. 7th, 2004 @ 09:59 pm
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| » *sigh* |
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... with everything going the way it is these days with respect to the 4 things bothering me right now, i just want to say i give up... i am completely letting go of thinking/worrying/stressing/upsetting myself, etc. and i'm gonna just do this... get down on my knees and pray with more devotion than i've ever had before... i now believe that whatever is meant to happen in all these areas of my life is meant to happen and that Allah has a plan for me... so I will leave it in His hands to determine and continue to devote myself to positive actions trusting that everything is going to be okay...
Nov. 7th, 2004 @ 02:38 pm
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| » i love to sing... |
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law school involves an immense amount of studying. sometimes even 8-10 hours a day. you read hundreds of pages and are expected to be so intimately familiar with the material that you can spout off facts and holdings at the drop of a hat. sometimes i wonder if i was made for law school. i can certainly study hard when i need to but i'm also big on procrastinating. not last minute, 24 hours before the exam type procrastinating but definitely 3-5 days before the exam type... in law school when you are supposed to have read some 1000 pages per class of dense passages relating ideas that judges insist on writing in flowery language, such procrastination is not possible. alas, i am not nearly as committed or diligent about doing my work regularly for 6 hours a day and hence have to suffer in the last month to six weeks or so of each semester.
i was thinking about all of this today and i realized that i am not the typical "serious" law student. i day dream quite a bit, i can be very inappropriate at times and start belting out tunes with my friends in the middle of stores, and i like to laugh a little too much. the lawyers i've been meeting at firms do not seem quite so happy with their lives and yet, despite being worked to the point of misery, i still want to go home singing at the end of the day. i'm not sure if my being different from these stuffy people i'm meeting is a good thing yet....
Nov. 7th, 2004 @ 01:49 pm
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| » Food for thought.... |
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The republican party announced today that it is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom because it more clearly reflects the party's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Nov. 4th, 2004 @ 10:15 pm
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| » rabia qureshi's email signature.... |
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The eye of contentment sees no flaws, while the eye of contempt sees nothing but flaws.
~Imam ash-Shafi’i (rh)
i miss tamina :(
Nov. 4th, 2004 @ 06:03 pm
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| » classes... |
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People are crying because Bush won... Some left classes yesterday... I've never seen people so upset in my life. *sigh*
Nov. 4th, 2004 @ 11:42 am
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| » gina is a riot! :) |
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here's her response to my pouring out my heart about having multiple personalities and wanting to be a mother teresa-save-the-world-type versus being a corporate whore:
Subject: humanitarism is good, but money is much, much better!!!!!!!!!
hi
whats done is done, now you can spend more time taking more corporate and business classes. criminal lawyers are more in demand now than in the past because of the advance technology in forensic science and its application to law. so think about it, just focusing on health law may not be to beneficial at all.
you mentioned international corporate law sounds like a good road to take. so go for it. i want to make a yacht load of money, work for a large firm, huge house and an apt, and travel, so corporate securities and criminal law is for me.
we are both priviledged because we live in a society we "have the option" to get an advance professional degree especially as women, although we'll have some loans to pay back, but thats ok. there is nothing wrong being humanitarian, but you have to think about "your" future to.
NYU has some health law classes but the concentration is corporate and criminal law.
oopps its time for class till next email. gina
Nov. 4th, 2004 @ 11:13 am
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sahar82's journal